fuuuk yea its aall guud jus now im on a bit of a high cos its all goin ok and even though i dont know how long it will last im happy just now for just now atleast
i feel like i want to stay and get along and maybe make it to 23
fuck it im gonna! yea stuff has been draggin me down recently but its all gettin back in order and it may last for more than a day so i can sort myself out :)
mite have more time for this now!
yeh...I finnaly sort of understand it all,its makin a bit of sense. kinda coming together. slowly. but i dont really know. im not so sore of everything there are no garuntees about nething nothing is at all certain and i have to just sit it out if i can.
*just have to stare at brian to keep me going.*
i an coonfused about a lot of things and im at that point were i just wand to talk to someone the confusion in my head is too familiar i know what comes next and all too soon. and the thing is there is someone i could just talk to but I dont feel comfortable doing that after the conversation (not that i really want to any way) coz as i say their smile causes me to have a jerk reaction that is not too good,its a systimatic response that i go through and really shouldnt and it solves nothing. ever. but never mind all that.
i will go and find somthing to do and make some toast coz i need breakfast to stop me talkin all this crap!
oh danm,I forgot to say.u know my best buddy josh jus came back here and told me i shouild so i will!
hmm in an ok mood jus now but dont know how long it will last can feel some bad stuff coming how cheery is that!
ahhh! i have to go already!
xxx
# posted by sexykellycat : 8:01 AM
I have been in a funk - I suppose that is to be expected when summer comes and the work you had planned does completely pan out - but i am tired of feeling like I have to complain about it all the time - To seek out the opinions of my friends and to pour my heart out. Most of what i have been carrying has been about them anyways - but I cannot talk to them about themselves - so i talk about my friends and how their situation hurts me with my other friends.
This is stupid.
I need to confront those who need to be confronted and move on. I need to put people who are asking too much of me for what they give on the spot. I need to be a better friend and let them deal with their own shit so I can deal with mine.
Work first. i have to get some gigs and put some money in the bank - This is easier said than done but i had optimism and a plan at the end of the schoolyear that got derailed - And I just have to get back on that path. So it starts now - From now on I think positive - and not just positive that i will fail. hah...
well finally schools out and few ppl are started talking about a vacation...I might be going to visit some of my friends to roma .something is always going on. there are a lot of things... I just can't imagine how it might be in the summer lol I've never met this Italian guy called antonio in a person before but he invited me to visit him for some fine ska concerts and walkin along the beach sides holding an ice cream carefully in one hand having a good conversation...I just cant wait...lol
currently I've met a goddanm lot of new ppl, I met some interesting people, the meetup was great, the people I met were wonderful ... I got a lot of new information and met some coolest ppl I've ever seen.I'm so fucken stoked that I met them lol
I cannot possibly name them all but am gonna write a little about somebody for the most memorable stories...
I can not forget about the grand day out with Cozie we had some real quality time as well.he's from ireland and I used to love the deep burly irish voice until now.!!he got the tone and stuff...lol he talks in a strong irish english accent.even I thought he could
speak in Russian when he said "I lovish.." isnt it sounds like russian "Ty ljubish" ? it was 'I love' as in english...*g* he told me the stories about his childhood and so many interesting things!!that night we met Raul while walking down the street so I introduced him to Raul.and the very next day cozie said nothing about Raul but Raul...I dont care what he said to me coz I still think he as a nice guy.Raul just turned out being a fucked up asshole all of a suden I coundnt understand why but he asked me to come over and started naughty stuff on his lips before returned back to his homeland for the holiday.anyway Cozie have a plan for the great wall this summer...I'd love to join but I dont think I can go back there for this summer time
even tho I miss my school,my mates,my professors a lot and everything u know I cant believe but I do also miss the goddanm crowded poachers at st.sanlitor and a double shit of things that I used to complain of...
James smsed me last week suddenly and said 'hows it goin anyway I saw u last week*^^* H hotel last wednesday' I didnt noticed him but he seemed he did...lol that night I danced on the stage as a dancing queen under the joint auspices of the party and afterward he asked me out the very next day and I could have chance to see him.he used to serve in the US military in korea and identify himself as a mixed with American and Korean from Cali USA and currently stationed around my area in Rheinland.he also loves dance and did ask me showin him how to belly dance...lol while I was work out at the gym a couple of guys came and said hello to me.one o them is german one called Robert and another one is from the states named Steve.Steve asked me for dinner so me and one of my friends Wendy and one of his friends Dereck joined with us.Rober. however does speak korean fluently and even surprised me by some korean slangs which I've never heard of...such as 'ddal ddal yi' ummm tell the truth I've heard of it once from Kadir which is usually using sorta masculine word usually used among the guys.he knows better than myself even taught me some korean traditional habits and said it was his very very first time to teach such things for someone from korea...haha...he even knows what Jajak is...later he said he has been living in korea for about 10years now and works at the Arirang TV that is the only Korean world network which provides Korea's traditions, cultures, news and documentaries in English..he teaches Korean for foriegners who learn the korean language...he talks as a korean sometimes he asked twice when he didnt get...however we thought we'd better having a conversation in english...lol he invited me and his friend dereck so 3 of us got to his place.it was clean and ummm...nice *g* he treated us the great dequila which he've got it from mexico by a friend.it tasted so soft and the smell was not strong at all...dereck never danced just watched me how I dance...steve...was very funny with dancing I thought he was doing some kungfu at first..haha....I started feel the rythm rock my body...blah blah...lata...steve asked me for come to his place.he has an empty room so I can use it but he acted so fucken weird...he needed something more...I thought I should talk about something...he understood me finally and I got him as well...someone says I a wonderful ability for tide a over crisis when it comes to a guy!!!yeh I think so too
Jamal aka Jamat here he comes...he looks like Nick Carter from BSB.I just put his pix bellow so you should check it out and tell me what you think...lol
andreas müller I also do have photos of him and put em up to my page so you can see em bellow...he...saw my pix and emailed me and said something like 'hy biscj fit?du bisch soo mega sexy und erotisch eifach dr hammer muess würklich säge sooo beauty' he told me that he lives in Solothurn so I think I'd better be going over to the andy's before school starts...there are two more guys I'd mention about...a russian guy Dimi and a french guy Nico hebut I will bring both of em sometime later.I don't have a lot to talk about this yet but lets see whats going on here with the two...
I think I need a little change of pace just depressing piece about my hang ups and you can never tell when I'll leap into your way..haha! soaking myself in dancing these days.u know I do more than just delight in it I devilish love it so decided taking jazz&belly dance over and over again.and Hassan is a good case of my dance teacher and a sweet friend of mine who danced bellydance over 20years and always try to take care of me and he said when I go at the H,just throw his name around a bit that will get their attention so I tried it last week and it worked out very well,hehe. however im really happy that he got everything real...
don't try to tell me this is all a phase. perhaps i've overused the term, but it's been used on me so many times, i've grown accustomed to it.
the thought has crossed my mind many times, and although there is evidence that it isn't true, for example of atheism, evidence doesn't always prove theories. i've spent my 20 years and one day listening to people tell me who i am and who i should be. and, against all of my principles, i've bought into it.
no more.
i am who i am. and if in two years who i am changes, it still isn't a phase. it's still me, just a more evolved version. the bantering in this world, courtesy of politicians and religious icons, scared me out of being completely honest with myself. i have to accept who i am no matter what. i dont think i'm being melodramatic when i say i have enough to deal with (we all do)...i don't need to hate myself for something i can't control. i can hate myself for being too lazy to get on a treadmill. i can hate myself for eating pizza and drinking soda too often. i can hate myself if i treat people in a shitty and improper manner. but i can't hate myself for this.
it's only hard because i make it hard for myself (but that still doesn't make it easy). many people don't believe in transition. they believe in a change of a channel, a change in the winds, the skipping of their least favorite song. i do believe in transition. though i also believe that the transitional period i went through is the discovery of others. it's not up to me to tell people who they are.
and it's not up to you to tell me who i am.
do i believe in exceptions? yes. very few. but sometimes the journey itself is the destination. i'm not trying to tell you that i will be this way forever. i think it will fluctuate. everyone fluctuates. it's part of this horrendous experience we call "life".
i'm going to get a head start.
people spend their whole lives trying to make meaning of themselves. i'm finding meaning now. YES, it WILL change. but i'm not afraid of that. my life contains many random spurts of rapid change. i'm used to it.
i'm going to tell you straight up. i'm going to be brutally honest. and anything you say to me isn't going to convince me that this is a phase. it's not.
i'm a gal who is into boys deeply. and there's nothing you (or i) can do about it. lol
am gonna writing about what i need so danm badly and what i got so far...lol
1.i need a IBM ThinkPad R50 laptop coz my old one is broken down ;-(
2.hip skirts for bellydance performance
3.le premier parfum de lolita lempicka , l'eau d'issey issey miyake , the concord la scala watch and all the beauty buzz
1.i got a new digital camera finally broke free from my 3 year old 5mp and WOW I love it.I got a kenox alpha 5 ,8x optical zoom and a 256 mb memory card,It's performed very well so far even though I've only figured out a few of the 1000's of option settings!
2.i got a mp3 camera phone.but i have to check something if i can still use it here..
3.i got a IRiver MP3 Player ,IRiver iFP-395 ;512MB i just cant live without music and both of my walk-man, CD player are not working anymore...
4.i got this 14K jewelry set features a flower necklace and matching post earrings with 14K gold petals and pink cubic zirconia in the center and 7 sets more....wooohhhoo!
bogos
andreas mueller
Jamal aka Jamat of 2002
Dmitriy
this is why u wait til marriage! - this is so crazy baby, be sure to stroll it down to read it..
A SOLDIER RECEIVED A LETTER FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT HE COULDN'T SHOW IT TO
HIS FRIENDS, BECAUSE SHE SIGNED IT "MOTHER", AND THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE:
M- IS FOR THE MANY TIMES WE DID IT.
O- IS FOR THE OTHER TIMES WE TRIED.
T- IS FOR THE TERRIFIC TIMES WE HAVE.
H- IS FOR THE HOTEL WE WENT TO.
E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY WE WENT.
R- IS FOR THE RHYTHM WE HAD.
THAT SPELLS "MOTHER" AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO BE IN 9 MONTHS.
HE WROTE BACK AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID:
F- IS FOR THE FUCKED UP LETTER YOU SENT ME.
A- IS FOR THE ASS YOU ARE.
T- IS FOR THE TROUBLE YOUR IN.
H- IS FOR THE HOE YOU REALLY ARE.
E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY YOU GAVE IT UP.
R- IS FOR THE ROMANCE WE NEVER HAD.
AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M THE FATHER. AND THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF THE BABY:
B- IS FOR THE BABY WITHOUT A FATHER.
A- IS FOR THE ABORTION YOU BETTER GET.
B- IS FOR THE BASTARD HE OR SHE WILL BE.
Y- IS FOR THE "YES" WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID "NO".
SHE REALIZED THAT SHE FORGOT A FEW THINGS IN THE FIRST LETTER....SO SHE WROTE
THE DICKLESS FAGGOT BACK AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID:
B- IS FOR THE BEEF YOU HAD WITH ME.
E- IS FOR THE EATING YOU DID.
S- IS FOR THE GOOD PUSSY YOU SUCKED.
T- IS FOR THE TIMES I GOT YOU HARD.
F- IS FOR THE FUNNY MADE DICK YOU HAVE.
R- IS THE THE RASH ON YOUR ASS.
I- IS FOR THE INTERCOURSE THAT WAS BORING.
E- IS FOR THE ENERGY FOR YOU TO CUM.
N- IS FOR THE NASTY ASS DOG YOU ARE.
D- IS FOR THE DAD YOUR GOING TO BE.
AND THAT SPELLS "BESTFRIEND" AND THAT'S WHO I WAS FUCKIN WHILE YOU WERE AWAY.
# posted by sexykellycat : 5:47 PM